Friday, July 20, 2012

Socially Awkward

After many months of "church hopping" Joshua and I have finally found the right church for our family. For the last 3 weeks we've been attending Grace Community. It has been really nice! I was pleasantly surprised to find out on that first Sunday that there were several people there that we both already knew. That makes it a little easier. I'm not sure when it happened or if it's always been this way and I'm just now noticing it, but I have become seriously socially awkward. I get mildly nervous when meeting new people, but nervousness doesn't seem to be the problem. The problem is my mind goes totally blank. Seriously. It's awful. For example, a couple of weeks ago Josh and I took Ben to a playground that happened to be deserted at the time. Another mom rolled up with 2 kids in a stroller and I froze. After 20-ish minutes or so, we were both pushing our kids on the swings. She asked me how old Ben was. I answered and then instead of doing the logical thing, like asking how old her kids were, I blurted out, "Sorry! I'm really awkward with meeting new people!" She looked at me like I was nuts. And didn't say another word to us. I wanted to crawl into the sandbox and let Ben bury me but to my dismay, there was no sandbox. True story.

Anyway, one of the people I immediately recognized at church was the older sister of my best friend Lacey. She was so sweet and last Sunday she invited us to go to a beach day this week with other moms and kids from church. One of the most important things to Josh and I when we were looking for church was finding somewhere where we could have fellowship with other people who are in similar life situations who shared our faith. So, although I was terrified nervous, I went so Ben could meet some kids and I could meet some moms. True to form, I was awkward. Like, I broke a kid's sand shovel awkward. I was quiet and couldn't think of anything to say. I wished more than once that I was more like my social butterfly of a husband with new people. After we left I started thinking about Lacey and why I love her so much. In the course of my short lifetime, I've been called a few names. Some good and some not so nice, but I think the one that is the most common (and the most accurate) is "quirky." I think that's the secret to my awkwardness. I realized that the people I get along with best are the ones that accept appreciate me for my quirk. It's even better if they are a kindred spirit and quirky in their own way.

So I've decided to let it all hang out. To do my best to be myself with strangers, no matter how nervous I get. And this is scary. Because being myself means being loud and obnoxious and making jokes when there is a 50/50 chance that I will be the only one laughing. I should also mention that everyone at the play group was very nice. Wish me luck for next week!

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